Remember to Remember: A Whole-Brain Strategy

We had an exciting couple of days this past week. We took the boys to Natural Bridge Caverns, to Pumpkin Nights at Pioneer Farms, we spent one night and morning with our friends, and then spent the next afternoon and night at my parents’ property. We crammed a lot of activity into two short days!

Once we were home this afternoon and sitting at the table having lunch Connor said, “We did so much I can’t remember if things happened today, or yesterday, or when!”

And that was a perfect opportunity to remind ourselves to “remember to remember!”

In their book The Whole Brain Child, Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson share twelve brain-friendly strategies that help us better understand ourselves and help us integrate our brains. This book is phenomenal and has greatly benefitted me, my kids, and our family as a whole and I HIGHLY recommend it. Now that we have so much more information about our brains, how we learn, and how we interact with the world, we can equip ourselves to live a healthy, emotionally-stable life.

I could go off on a rant about how awesome the book is, but today I want to stick to one strategy in particular- Remember to Remember!

We know that our brains are constantly taking in information and because of that, it has to make decisions about what to do with all of that input. It prioritizes the things we think about most often. So, when we say something, do something, or think about something over and over, the brain says, “Hey! This is important! Don’t throw it away!” (And by the way, when I’m talking about this with the kids I absolutely personify the brain! So fun!)

The more we say, think, or do something, we more we strengthen those neural pathways in our brains, making it easier to recall whatever that information is. Think of it like a wheelbarrow going back and forth again over the same path. The more we push it over the path, the deeper the grooves get.

If we apply this to ourselves and our children, it quite simply means that the more we talk and think about something, the more able we will be to remember it. (This is also true about things we would really like to FORGET!)

Experiences are fun, but unless we tell our brains to remember them by thinking back and reflecting on them, that information may not make it into long-term memory. Our brains may decide that the input is trash and needs to be thrown out.

That’s why we can have these incredible moments with our kids that we remember fondly because we think back on them often, but our kids forget within days.

If we want our kids to remember something, whether it’s their multiplication facts or just the experience of carving a pumpkin together as a family, we have to tell their brains that the information is important and needs to be remembered.

Over the next few days I’m going to help my kids (and myself) remember the experiences we had on our whirlwind trip by talking with them about what we did and asking them specific questions while that information is still fresh.

Here are some question stems I might use:

-Where did we go today (or yesterday/last night/this morning)?

-What did we do on (insert day here)?

-What was your favorite part of the trip?

-Did you like ___ or ____ better? Why?

-What did we do first?

-Can you remember ___? Tell me about it. (choose a particular detail like what color something was, or something they might have seen)

The authors also offer these other practical applications for how to encourage memory with your kids:

-Include recollection as a daily part of your routine- share a high point, a low point, an act of kindness they received or gave, etc.

-Encourage them to journal (or draw a picture) of their experience (side note: studies have shown that simply the act of recalling and expressing an event through journaling can improve immune and heart function and general well-being. Isn't that amazing! Bust out that journal or get to typing!)

-Create a “memory book” with your child to collect important details

-Look back at pictures and videos with your kids (we will be doing lots of this, too!)

In the book they get much more technical about memory and how it works, myths regarding memory, how our emotions affect our memories, and more. It’s all fascinating but way too much to get into right now. I had actually forgotten about how meaty and informative this handy little book is- imagine that when the very topic today is about remembering! Ha!

Anyway, for now, let’s remember to remember ourselves and teach our kiddos this valuable skill for not only helping their brains retain information but also make sense of their lives.

What have you done lately with your kids that you might want to help them remember to remember?

In what ways do you see yourself practically applying this strategy? Or in what ways are you already doing something similar?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Happy remembering!