Do You Have a Spirited Child? Here's Some Encouragement

Do you happen to have one of those kids?

Last weekend I had the rare opportunity to spend two nights alone with just my younger two children. My older son and my husband went on a cub scout camping trip. For the first time ever, I was home alone with these younger two boys for an extended period of time and it was a pretty eye-opening experience.

First, let me explain about my first-born. Maybe you can relate. Well, let me just show you this picture, as it’s a pretty perfect example of how life is with him:

In this math exercise, all he needed to do was draw a line- a simple, quick line- connecting the matching sets of numbers. That’s it! Should have taken all of two seconds. But instead, you can see how he chose to proceed.

Yep.

This is life with my first-born. Every little thing that should be quick and easy ends up NOT being so quick and easy. I say go left, he gives me three reasons why we should go right. I say let’s do some math, and he pulls out his reading and handwriting books.

He finds every loophole in a rule and can argue his case like nobody’s business.

Do you have one of those?

When he was gone last weekend the entire dynamic of the house changed. It was quiet. QUIET. My middle son was so much more compliant than normal and things were…easier!

The second my first-born came bursting through the door on Sunday the house was thrown right back into our normal. But for those few short days, I really saw with new eyes just how challenging parenting my first born is.

It brought me back to a chapter I read in the book Homeschool Bravely several months ago. The author, Jamie Erickson, wrote an entire chapter dedicated to this subject. She even titled the chapter “When You Have One of Those Kids.”

When I read this, I was away from the house on one of those rare nights when I can slip away and do something without kids hanging on me. I sat by myself at La Madeline and just absolutely bawled while reading it. I mean, literally, tears just uncontrollably streaming down my face because her words just hit me right to the core and resonated with me so very much.

My child is one of a kind. He is so, so, smart. He is passionate. He is emotional. He is intense in every sense of the word. He is thinking all the time. He is asking questions literally every second of the day. I absolutely LOVE all of his traits, even the ones that drive me absolutely crazy. But if I’m honest, it is a LOT. It can be mentally and physically exhausting.

Don’t get me wrong, I love every bit of him to pieces, but some days it can literally bring me to my knees.

Navigating how to do this whole homeschooling thing with him has been a bumpy ride. In the beginning I almost threw in the towel. I just didn’t see how it was going to work. I didn’t think I could do it and it was at that point that I was reading the book. I honestly was thinking that someone else needed to teach my child. Every day was a battle.

Now, after many months, we are finding our rhythm. It’s in large part because I know God put this book in my hands at the very moment I needed it. And thank goodness He did. But sometimes I just want to scream, “Just DO IT THE WAY I’M ASKING! NO NEGOTIATING!” And some days I do, although this does NOT achieve the desired result!

Can you relate?

Here are some things that Jamie Erikson says about having a spirited child that might encourage you. And even though she is writing this for the homeschooling mama, all of this applies for ALL MOMS, whether you are homeschooling or not! Just replace the word “homeschooling” with “parenting.” ;)

“But as I’ve mentioned before, it’s not by accident that you were given this child. There is something about your personality that he needs. And dare I say it, there’s something about his personality that you need too.”

“Your difficult child is a work in progress. All of his traits were woven and knit together by God, and they are good… Just like a piece of sand produces a pearl, the wild in your child can be the start of something great if it’s given time and attention. That stubborn streak that refuses to do what it’s told to do when it’s told to do it can one day be the iron will that stands against social injustice or political strong-arming.”

“Your child is a sentence that is not yet complete. Don’t anxiously put a period where God has only dropped a comma.” (Love this.)

“When you look at your strong-willed one, you might only see a block of rough stone, but God sees a masterpiece. He wants to use you as a tool to chisel away the bits that aren’t a part of the finished work He has planned. Did you catch that? He wants to use you. The key is to set your sights on who your child is becoming and not just how he is acting at this moment.”

“To remove the struggle is to remove the story.” (Oh man, so true.)

And I think this was the part that really got me:

“Here’s a cold, hard reality: sometimes homeschooling is not about your children at all. Sometimes it is about you and what God seeks to do in your life. He wants to use everything about it, even your difficult child, to sand off your rugged edges. It’s easy to assume that home is where your children learn to be more patient, more kind, more mature, more righteous. But don’t forget, home is where you learn to become more, too. As I mentioned, your difficult one is a work in progress, but so are you.” (emphasis mine)

And the cherry on top to just bring it all home:

“Homeschooling with its oftentimes moment-by-complicated-moment investment can be one of the many tools God can use to bring you to completion. When He removes your ability to control all things by giving you a spirited child, you get thrust into deeper dependence on Him.”

Amen. Amen. Amen.

Okay, I have to stop because if I could I would just literally copy the entire chapter, but you get the drift. Maybe you should just get a copy of the book for yourself. It really is amazing.

All of that to say: we have an important role to play in shaping our children, but they are shaping us in the process, too. It’s all a beautiful and messy process that God is using for good.

And the even GREATER news is that ultimately GOD is in control of our children, their attributes, their futures, and their stories. If we pray continuously, specifically, and without ceasing, God will provide. He WILL provide.

So, mamas (or whoever is reading this and has a part in raising a spirited child), we can do this. Not because we are strong enough in our own strength, but because we have the strength of our mighty God who is on our side and who is using all of these moments for good.

Here is a very encouraging podcast from Julie Richard at Fearless Mom about SWBs (strong-willed blessings) that I KNOW will encourage you:

SWB Podcast

And I’ll leave you with some scriptures:

1 Samuel 1:27-28 AMP

For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my request which I asked of Him. Therefore I have also dedicated him to the Lord; as long as he lives he is dedicated to the Lord.”

Jeremiah 29:11-14

For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,” declares the Lord,” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity…”

Praying for all of you and those beautiful spirited children of yours! ;) Let's go hug them tight, soak up every little passionate moment with them, and watch how God works in all of us in the future.